Well, I accomplished what I outlined for myself this month: I kept going with what I'd already started; the gratitude journal, if inconsistent, was written in; I went back and took stock of everything I've done since starting this blog, which helped me to reframe my overwhelm, making me feel more like "no wonder I feel this way"; I did qigong once or twice, and - this kept me so busy I didn't even have time to post - I kept momentum up with all the big projects in my life. Along the way, I learned a few things.
What I learned is that my body asks me sometimes to stop, to coast for a couple days here and there and unwind. I think I've missed that signal in the past, taking my flagging mental energy (aka general confusion) and fatigue as a sign that I needed to refocus - and understanding instead that I need to give myself a break before I take one by default. So a break came at the beginning of the month, and right now. Amazingly, surprisingly, I've gotten a phenomenal amount done in between. Remember how part of my quest was to find out if it would all fall apart? Well, so far it's not only NOT falling apart, but the big things I kept putting off before are getting done.
Looking back at March, I see that it was about clarity. All that effort of the past several months finally paid off, not in the sense of accomplishments so much, though I did get things done, but in clarity of direction. In my finances, my relationships, with my back. Distilling down what the next steps would be, and with that came a sense of relief.
Next week, as it turns April, I'll take stock and decide what exactly to focus on in the coming weeks. For the next day or two though, I'm going to sit back and enjoy that my taxing, sometimes difficult month bore some fruit and was worth the effort.
What I can say about April is that I'm going back to body basics. Now that I've pushed through some questions about what comes next for my back, my finances, and my relationships - major areas in my life that needed some positive movement, and I'm into the execution phase (with such gratitude!) on those things, the focus will shift to continuing to strengthen my fundamental energy and well being.
My greatest accomplishment this month was that even on the most stressful, confusing days I was able to reconnect, even for a moment, with Alicia In The Universe, letting go of my daily stresses and burdens, including my own feelings about things, to just be. In those times, I forgot about everything except for the joy that was right in front of me - playing with my son, skiing with my husband, laughing with a friend, looking up at the sky. And that's the point of this whole experiment, the essence of the art of falling backwards - that no matter what else is going on in life, for better or for worse, all that can be shed in a moment, traded for wonder, awe, and joy instead. And sometimes a moment is all you need.
